7 Affirmations for Self-Compassion

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Stellar Insight Counseling | Online Adult Therapy Alaska

What is Self-Compassion?

As defined in the American Psychological Association dictionary:

Self-compassion: 

n. a construct derived from Buddhist thought and entailing a noncritical stance toward one’s inadequacies and failures. It has been suggested that if self-criticism can lead to negative emotions, self-compassion may promote well-being by protecting one from the negative emotional implications of one’s perceived failings.

It can be challenging to make a mistake and provide self-compassion.

Being able to maintain a perspective that difficult emotions and experiences can exist in conjunction with kindness is hard!

Providing self-compassion can be even more strenuous for folks who experience anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, or perfectionism.

Self-compassion can promote healthy self-esteem (Neff, 2009).

As a therapist who uses a cognitive behavioral approach, I recognize that cognitions have power over well-being.

In my work, clients often struggle with delivering self-kindness which is understandable, not a lot of adults know:

1.) How to provide self-compassion

2.) That adults are worthy and deserving of self-compassion

Self-compassion does not get the same PR as other mental health buzzwords like self-care, attachment style, emotion regulation, or the Myers-Briggs Personality Type measure.

But that is okay! The present moment is never too late to augment one's self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the ability to recognize that you are deserving of forgiveness, compassion, and grace even after failure, error, or shortcoming. 

Dr. Neff, a researcher who examines the role of self-compassion, identifies 3 main components of self-compassion:

1. Self-kindness versus self-judgement

“Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be caring and understanding with oneself rather than being harshly critical or judgmental,” explained by Neff (2009, p. 211). 

2. A sense of common humanity versus isolation

Common humanity expresses the concept that all humans have flaws, failures, and make mistakes. Failure is part of the human experience (which we are lucky to perceive!).

3. Mindfulness versus over-identification

Mindfulness is used to describe awareness of the present moment: acknowledging one’s feelings and making meaning out of the situation rather than ruminating or focusing on one’s deficits is an adaptive process.

All of that means: making mistakes is common. 

You are not a unique catastrophic failure. Other people have failed, and making mistakes is an inevitable aspect of life.

What matters the most when presented with shame, guilt, error, fault, or personal shortcoming is the ability to maintain a perspective of other personal strengths, that the human experience is filled with mistakes, and accepting that prolonged self-criticism (or self-punishment) does not help.

Research consistently links an association between psychological well-being and self-compassion (Neff).

Self-compassion, when used regularly, is associated with decreased levels of “anxiety, depression, rumination, and fear of failure” (Neff, 2009, p. 12).

Self-compassion is something therapists likely use more liberally compared to other healthcare professionals, and that’s one reason why people come to see us.

Emphasizing self-kindness is a skill anyone can improve on at anytime. That may look like integrating one new positive affirmation multiple times a day for weeks, or reflecting on thought processes and self-talk over a period of months (or years) and reframing self-talk.

Mental health professionals like therapists and psychologists are uniquely trained to help people identify the root of these preconscious thoughts, and how to reframe cognitions while emphasizing strengths and unique influences.

If you wish to implement self-compassion more frequently, start with adding a new statement from below or consider starting therapy.

Think compassionate thoughts, for your own well-being 

7 Affirmations for Self-Compassion:

1. It is okay to make mistakes, everybody makes mistakes. I am still learning.

2. My feelings are big right now, and that is okay. I am still deserving of kindness, grace, and love.

3. Self-criticism does not help me grow or learn from this experience. I will be kind to myself.

4. These feelings are overwhelming, but they are temporary. I accept these feelings and I will do an activity to take care of myself.

5. I am enough.

6. I no longer need to show up as my best critic. Instead, I will show up as my best supporter.

7. May I give myself the love, care, and kindness I deserve.

Read more: Stellar Insight Counseling Mental Health Blog

About the Author

Hello, my name is Nicole Zegiestowsky, M.S. (she/her) and I am a pre-licensed virtual therapist in Alaska!

I use a trauma-informed approach to provide individual and group therapy to LGBTQ+ adults and perinatal/postpartum populations for concerns relating to anxiety, depression, PTSD, and/or difficulty with sleep.

Learn more about the virtual counseling services I offer for individual adult therapy and group adult therapy.

References

Neff K. D. (2009). The role of self-compassion in development: A healthier way to relate to oneself. Human development, 52(4), 211–214. https://doi.org/10.1159/000215071