What is Self-Compassion?
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Self-compassion is a concept of interest to psychological researchers, mental health clinicians, and the general public to improve psychological well-being and mental health (instead of mental illness).
Self-compassion is defined as,
“being kind to oneself in moments of suffering or setbacks, acknowledging these experiences as part of the larger human experience, and sustaining an even-tempered, mindful awareness of one's thoughts and emotions.”
(Neff, 2003, as cited in Sekhon, 2024)
Self-compassion is associated with positive mental health and resilience, and lower levels of anxiety and depression (Neff, 2022; Sekhon).
Self-compassion can present as a facet of self-talk; as a therapist I am especially interested in understanding how clients perceive themselves, their emotions, their reactions, their emotional processing, and psychological flexibility (as opposed to psychological rigidity).
7 Affirmations for Self-Compassion
Self-talk can be presented along a spectrum ranging from negative self-talk to positive self-talk.
Negative self-talk is common among people with low self-esteem, depression, or anxiety, while positive self-talk can be associated with psychological well-being and higher self-esteem (Sekhon).
Self-esteem is distinct from self-compassion; self-esteem fluctuates and is often based on social comparisons or judgements around being “different” or “special” from others (Neff; Sekhon), while self-compassion is a tool for making meaning from stress with kindness and acceptance (Neff).
Self-compassion promotes positive psychological health and well-being (Neff).
The mind is where humans spend a significant portion of their conscious lifespan, so why not make the mind a pleasant place?
Self-compassion promotes emotion regulation skills, lower levels of shame, depression, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and feelings of inadequacy (Neff).
The presence of self-compassion helps lessen the emotional and psychological space shame and guilt occupy.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
How can people use self-compassion more?
As with most mental health education, awareness is the first step.
Next is developing the awareness of specific thoughts and cognitive processing to understand how one talks to himself/herself/their self in moments of stress, difficulty, or personal shortcoming.
Examples of negative self-talk may present as,
- “I am not good enough, I’m never going to succeed.”
- “Everything I try fails, it’s pointless to try.”
- “I hate the way my body looks, I’ll never feel good about myself.”
- “I am the world’s biggest failure.”
Once awareness of negative self-talk is identified, using a self-compassion framework a person can reframe those inner-thoughts into examples of positive self-talk:
- “I am not good enough, I’m never going to succeed.
“I made a mistake because I am trying something new. I didn’t get it right this time but I can try again because everybody makes mistakes and that’s okay. Trying new things is difficult and admirable. I will learn what I can from this mistake and give myself grace.”
- “Everything I try doesn’t work, it’s pointless to try.”
“My history has numerous mistakes, but I love the part of me that keeps trying. I will honor and love my persistence because I know that working towards new goals takes effort.”
- “I hate the way my body looks, I’ll never feel good about myself.”
“I notice that my body has changed; all bodies change throughout life. My body has carried me from the day I was born to where I am now and I will practice an activity which brings me joy to honor my body. I can notice my body today from a neutral stance without being critical towards myself.”
- “I am the world’s biggest failure.”
“I am the world’s most average failure.”
Personally, I like to sprinkle humor in my self-compassion and with clients if they also enjoy humor.
Practicing and using self-compassion is like working out a muscle. The more you practice the skill, the easier it becomes over time.
One day you may notice making a mistake and naturally providing self-compassion then suddenly, making a mistake doesn’t feel so catastrophic or shameful. It feels like a normal part of the human experience.
If you are seeking to incorporate the science and practice of self-compassion into your life, consider starting psychotherapy with a mental health professional.
My practice is accepting new adult telehealth clients in Alaska for individual therapy, call me today for a free 20-minute consultation and schedule your intake appointment.
About the Author:
Nicole Zegiestowsky, M.S. (she/her) is a pre-licensed therapist at Stellar Insight Counseling with a master’s in clinical psychology from the University of Alaska, Anchorage.
Nicole is a LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent affirming therapist who works with clients struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, and perinatal/postpartum mental health.
Read more from Nicole on the Stellar Insight Counseling Mental Health Blog.
If you live in Alaska and are seeking a new therapist, contact Nicole for a free 20-minute initial consultation and schedule an appointment today.
References:
Neff, K. (2022). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74 (193-218). https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047
Sekhon, A. (2024). Self-compassion and self-esteem: Comparative analysis and implications for psychological well-being. Indian Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(2), (263–266).